FAST Skills

Why Use this Skill

The most successful relationships include equity and give-and-take. If one person succumbs to people-pleasing, or over-accommodating the other person’s needs, the relationship is less likely to last, or is less likely to feel fulfilling to both people. The “FAST” skills from DBT offer tips for how to hold onto self-respect in a way that benefits both you and your loved ones.

When to Use This Skill

Use “FAST” when:

• You want to improve self-respect within relationships.
• You want to prioritize yourself in a certain interpersonal interaction.
• You want to combat people-pleasing tendencies.

How to Use This Skill

“FAST” is an acronym that offers ideas to consider when you want to improve or maintain your self-respect while interacting with other people:

• Be Fair. Consider both your needs and the other person’s needs. Validate yourself, not just the other person.
• No Apologies. Do not apologize for asserting yourself, making a request, or saying “no.” If you did something against your morals/values, you can apologize, but don’t apologize more than once. Stay away from ashamed body language (e.g., slumping, looking away, hanging your head).
• Stick to your Values. Be clear on what you believe and what is important to you, and then do not budge on your willingness to do or not do certain things.
• Be Truthful. Don’t act helpless, dramatize, or lie. Don’t act less skillful than you actually are.

Just like “DEAR MAN” and “GIVE” skills, it’s up to you which “FAST” skills are most useful for you in each unique situation.

Always remember that the “FAST” skills should be balanced with the “GIVE” skills for improving relationships. You want to consider both your needs and the needs of the other person. Sometimes, you’ll lean heavily on the “FAST” skills. Sometimes, you’ll lean way more heavily on the “GIVE” skills!