Community Guidelines

Welcome

The Now Matters Now principles and guidelines were created to help all members feel supported, valued, and connected. This document is continuously updated —we welcome your feedback!

As peer meeting members, we agree to follow these guidelines the best we can.

Our Guidelines

We believe in everyone’s innate goodness.

We believe that everyone has inherent value, just by being.

• Everyone’s unique experiences and emotions are valid and make sense.
• Everyone’s stories are worth sharing and learning from.
• Every member’s presence in meetings is a gift to our community.

We believe in dialectics.

We remember that two seemingly opposite things can be true at the same time. We try our best to let go of black-and-white thinking and to find the “gray” and the “checkerboard” truths of life.

We believe in respect for ourselves.

We view choice as essential for healing, and we try to learn and respect our unique needs:

• We may share our stories, or stay silent.
• We may keep our camera on, or turn it off.
• We take breaks, use coping skills, or ask for help as needed.
• We may connect with other members outside of meetings, or not.
• We will take risks and try new things when we feel capable, and we will rest and limit our demands when we need it.
• We remind ourselves that we always have a choice about what to do or what skills to use, based on what makes most sense for us right now.

We believe in respect for others.

We do our best to respect the choices of others, and recognize how we are all interconnected:

• We do not give advice, unless someone directly asks for it.
• We may offer thanks and appreciation for others’ shares.
• We do not share names or stories of meeting members with others outside of meetings, unless we are given permission.
• We do not share or challenge political or religious views during meetings.
• We may give back to our fellow community members by volunteering to read during meetings, act as meeting manager, or offer support to others.
• We value privacy. We do not share or request personal contact information during meetings. If we would like to make ourselves available outside of meetings, we add our name to our meetings Volunteer and Phone list (found in your calendar invite).

We believe in equity and inclusivity.

We try to create a space where everyone can share their stories and flourish:

• We do not say or do things that are racist, ableist, sexist, or otherwise prejudiced.
• We avoid offensive, judgmental, and violent language.
• We stay aware of how long we share, balancing our needs with the needs of others who also want to share.
• If others tell us our comments or actions are hurtful, we acknowledge and repair for that hurt the best we can.

We believe in safety.

We remember that this is a space of peers, and it is not therapy. We do our best to protect all members’ physical and emotional wellbeing:

• We recognize that hearing details about suicide, drugs, or eating disordered behaviors can be particularly challenging for some people. So, when we share about these, we do not share details about what we did or wanted to do.
• We recognize the power of creating personal coping plans before we need them. We therefore create Safety Plans that we can use during future times of intense stress or suicidal thoughts.
• We remember that thoughts and emotions are not dangerous.
• We believe life can be worth living, even when it’s painful.
• We do not use skills to rationalize suicide.
• We consider the Now Matters Now Safety Considerations (see next page) when discussing suicidal thoughts/urges with one another.

We believe in open‑mindedness.

We believe that we are all constantly learning.

• We pledge to stay open to feedback.
• We remember that every person has a different pathway and pace, and wherever we each are is just right.
• Individual meetings may create new guidelines that align with these values, if it becomes important to that meeting’s members.
• We support each other in better understanding these guidelines, upholding these values, and building meaningful lives.

Safety Considerations

Members of our meetings have or are struggling with suicidal thoughts and urges. We care for each other deeply. We also remember we are peers, not professionals. No individual person is responsible for another individual person’s suffering or physical safety. Meetings are not therapy. Of course, we each may voluntarily choose to support one another during difficult times. (Note: all meeting members are welcomed to talk outside of meetings, and we encourage members to attend at least 8 meetings before discussing suicidal thoughts with another member outside meeings.)

Not all emergency services are equitably helpful or validating for all people. And, emergency services are rarely, but sometimes necessary, for safety. We suggest the following considerations when a meeting member is reporting suicidal thoughts or desire to harm themselves. This guidance is not medical advice; all members should discuss their personal health decisions with licensed healthcare professionals.

If you are feeling suicidal:

• • If you are worried you’re going to kill yourself:
    • Call or text 988.
    • Or, go to a local crisis center or emergency room.
  • If you have a therapist/psychiatrist talk to them about your suicidal thoughts.
  • Follow your Safety Plan.
  • If you don’t have a Safety Plan, use our Help Now suggestions.
    • Use Cold Water to lower intense stress.
    • Use distraction or other coping skills.

• Get support. 

• • Call or text 988.
  • Reach out to a loved one or fellow meeting member who has offered their phone number to you.
  • Call a “warmline” social support phone volunteer in your state.
• Attend a meeting and share about your experience. Consider:
  • Suicidal thoughts are not dangerous, but some people still get nervous when they hear others talk about suicide. It may be helpful to explicitly say that you do not intend to act on your urges (as long as that is true!).
  • Suicidal thoughts are often caused by painful life experiences. You may feel better by talking to people about these experiences, even if you don’t share your suicidal thoughts.
  • Be aware: if you share that you intend to kill yourself soon, but then deny willingness to reach out for help on your own, it is likely that someone from meeting will reach out to 988 or 911 on your behalf.
• Remember: this too shall pass. You can get through this moment. You’ve done hard things before and have gotten through it. You’re not alone. Your fellow meeting members want to help you.

If you are worried about someone else’s safety:

• Practice coping skills.

• • Hearing about someone else’s suicidal thoughts can be upsetting. Coping skills can help calm your own anxiety/panic, so you can make the wisest decision about how you can help them.
• Consider sending a caring message to the person.
• Get support.
  • Contact your meeting’s manager.
  • Attend a meeting and discuss your concerns during the after-meeting.
  • Call or text 988 and ask for feedback about your concerns.
• If you have attended at least 8 NMN meetings, consider talking to the person individually.
  • You could remind them to use their Safety Plan.
  • You could encourage them to call 988, text MATTERS to 741741, or follow NowMattersNow’s other Help Now suggestions.
  • Check out the other resources below for more advice on how to help.
• Call 911 on behalf of the person if they ask you to, or they are currently attempting suicide.

If another meeting member tells you that they’re worried about your safety:

• Remain open-minded.
• Use coping skills for any anger, anxiety, shame, or other emotions prompted by the person’s concern.
• Remember they care for you. Remind yourself that  people often express worry for other people’s safety when they care for them or when they want the best for the other person, it just doesn’t always come across that way.
• Carefully consider the person’s feedback.
  • Use Wise Mind to decide whether you should reach out for emergency help.
  • If you work with a therapist/psychiatrist, reach out to them to get help.
• If you want professional help:
  • Call 988 or text MATTERS to 741741.
  • Only contact other meeting members if you intend to ask for their help in connecting with professional services and if you are committed to accepting their help.
  • Use our other Help Now suggestions, while you wait to receive support.
  • If you’d like to, you can tell the person you’re reaching out for support.
• If you don’t want professional help, tell the person.
  • You could choose to send a brief response, limiting the information you offer (e.g., “Thank you for your message. I’ll reach out if I want further help from you”).
  • Or, you could send a longer message, explaining your situation or plan to them, advocating for your ability to keep yourself safe, or asking them for support in a different way.
  • Use your Safety Plan, as relevant.
• If a person’s feedback is stressing you out, let them know.
  • Remind yourself that the other person’s anxiety could be more about them than about you.

Other Resources

If you are concerned for another person’s safety, share these resources: